All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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