wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
