Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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