mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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