I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
