Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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