In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
