It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
