Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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