He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
