Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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