I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
worst night to have a conscience
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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