yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
