Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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