Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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