how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
