We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need moral support for this bender
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
