what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
