Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize