Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
