Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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