Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
