if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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