I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
