at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
