Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
