that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
