I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
