What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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