she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
