i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the gays at disneyland are vicious
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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