I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
