taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
