I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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