we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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