Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
whose ass print is on the piano?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
