mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
