I will die if light touches me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
