I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
