If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
