check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
