youre lurking in front of me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
