This is not my ceiling
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
