I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
