Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
