pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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