I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
