i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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