Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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