I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
