so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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