is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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