its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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