I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
