im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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