put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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