If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
