I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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