I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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