we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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