I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
