I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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