Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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