It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
