dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
