I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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