Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
