She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
