i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
