woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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