She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
