I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
