I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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